Let me introduce our newest feature here on Smarty Mommies, "I Fucking Love," in which we write about things that we fucking love. It will be followed by a corollary feature, "I Fucking Hate," about things that we fucking hate.
Are we clear? Good. Let's begin.
I Fucking Love Mindy Kaling and want her to be my cool friend. I'm sure she gets this a lot, which is why she doesn't have a feature like this on her blog and she never writes about wanting to be my friend (because there's so much competition for her friendship and not because I'm not awesome), but she deserves it. There's the obvious, sure: She's smart (Dartmouth!), funny (The Office! The Mindy Project!), and talented (Writing! Directing! Producing! Acting!). I love her for all of these, but there are even more reasons to love her, some of them even stronger than the obvious IMDB fodder. I'm sure you're curious why she is so deserving of my love and companionship when so few of the people in my actual life are (You know who you are, you parasites.). To satisfy your curiosity and find out why I FL MK, please read the following list.
1. We could share clothes, by which I obviously mean that I could borrow her clothes. She is a short dumpling of a woman, and so am I, but she has the flair and money to buy beautiful clothing. Failing that, because I am asking a lot in terms of generosity, she could give me the clothes from the costume department of The Mindy Project, which are amazing. My girl Mindy loves fashion and dresses beautifully even when stylists try to force her delightfully round body into body-concealing clothing (see the chapter titled "When You're Not Skinny, This Is What People Want You to Wear" in my bible her book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns)). While we may disagree on the cap sleeve, we agree on everything else enough that I sometimes find myself Google-image searching "Mindy Kaling Fashion" just to see what I should be wearing. She has so much to teach me and give me... if you'll excuse me I now have to stare into the middle distance and imagine a Pretty Woman shopping montage in which she plays Larry Miller to my Julia Roberts.
I feel like I'd have to be Indian to really pull this off, but I'm willing to go that far if the subcontinent will have me. Foxy, curvy, asymmetrical little lemon drop gown, you will be mine. Photo credit.
The gown is gorgeous - everything that a lovely, perfectly draped, Grecian fantasy should be. But the belt! Ah, the belt! The belt is all "Let's just modernize this shit because I'm an honest-to-Aphrodite woman and no mere fantasy. Now give me some sugar."
I look super cute in lemons... you know, because I'm a tart.
1.5 In the clothing I want to beg, borrow, and steal, she shows her arms. Now, if you are a dude reading this, you do not understand why this is a big deal. And so I challenge you to find other examples of normal-sized women, not just in entertainment, but in your general life who regularly show their arms. It's not impossible, no. But it is a challenge. Shawls, shrugs, boleros, cap sleeves (As I've already stated, Mindy and I disagree here - I like 'em.), and all manner of thin swaths of fabric are intended to cover the unsightliness of a chubby woman's arms. Someone wants to wear them? Fine, I don't care. Someone doesn't want to wear them but feels pressured to because it's so normalized for Lady Chubsters (my new gang name - like the Pink Ladies, but with sleeveless jackets) to cover up their wildly offensive upper limbs? Well then, fuck that pressure and let your naked arms fly. Mindy and I will join and applaud you with our soft, fleshy arms proudly bared. (More about this here if you're interested.)
2. It's hard to tell from much of The Office, but DANG, Mindy Kaling can pull off some seriously wonderful deadpan physical comedy. I tried to post a video of The Mindy Project's Season 1, Episode 7 "The Teen Patient" here for you to see, but I can't because Hulu won't let me. But, friends, you need to see her try, try, and try again to sit on a bean bag chair in full business dress without betraying any of her frustration or humiliation on her face. It was so funny that I saved it on my DVR for a few weeks just to watch over and over again. She also gets hit in the head with volleyballs in that episode, and that got me giggling, too. Ladies doing physical comedy will never fail to impress me, and Mindy Kaling does it so well. Nobody does it better... and THAT'S a video that I could find.
3. We both love Irish Exits. I didn't know they were called this until I read her book, but I have been a devoted practitioner of the Irish Exit since middle school. An Irish Exit, according to Ms. Kaling, is a xenophobic description of leaving a gathering without telling anyone. Generally, when I want out of something I make up an excuse to leave early or, even better, make up an excuse not to attend at the last minute. But I am not above an Irish Exit if I've managed to talk myself into attending something and then decide that I'm finished with it early. I like to think that it's mysterious and exciting for others to find that *POOF!* I've disappeared! If I'm wrong, I don't want to know because, Faith and Begorrah, I don't care. I'm outta there.
4. Finally, this interview at the 0:38 mark. I love it when she says our name.
So, Mindy, if you're reading this, email me. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.