Twisted Knickers/Burning Bras: The Politics of Lingerie in Caitlin Moran's How To Be a Woman

About Christina

Chapter 5, LEMME HEAR YOU HOLLA! Let's make this simple: "Batman doesn't have to put up with this shit [undies that are too small to actually cover body parts] - why should we? Women need, as a basic human right, to be given enough underwear for it to clean to their exteriors, like a starfish - and not slowly be pulled into the deep gravity of their inside and get internalized, due to motion friction. It's insanity" (91). I think this is very related to my previous rant against the proliferation of unwearable foot"wear." Some fashions are for function, and some are just for fun. Let's review. Form*:

"Here, fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy!"

Function:

I may buy these next. Super cute. Super flee-in-able

Now, let's apply what we've learned to undergarments, shall we?

Form:

Shockingly, this is not a running club.

Function:

Because chub rub is for suckers. I'm ordering these for summer, so if you want to fantasize about what's under my summer dresses, look no further.

Form:

That sound you hear is Pancho and Lefty laughing out loud at the hubris of those tiny scraps of fabric.

Function:

That sound you hear is Pancho and Lefty saying "Hey! We know that guy!" and jumping drooping for joy!

There is lingerie you wear for fun, and there are undies you wear for function. Sometimes the twain meet, but most often where they meet is between your butt cheeks or pressing so tightly into the tops of your breasts that your boobs split, like blastocyst cells, into four. It's not pretty, and it's not comfy. And yet, I think we've all, to paraphrase Moran, lived in underpants that gave us nightmares.

Discuss your terrible undies in the comments, just before burning them and buying yourself some good old granny panties.

*Unless your function is wearing them as long as it takes to get some.

© Designed by J. Terriq   ue in 2015

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