Bonus Weekly OTPBS: Papa Murphy's De-Bolding Commercial

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(It's already been a banner week in old-timey patriarchal bullshit, so this week you get a bonus edition of your weekly OTPBS! Congrats! And sorry! Hopefully one day we'll have a hard time writing these posts...)

I was drinking beer and watching the Seattle Seahawks game last night like a proper lady (I know, I know… the NFL is all kinds of problematic, and we’ll talk about that eventually, too, but it reminds me of my grandmother… more about that another day), and I saw this appalling commercial. Just... go watch it.

Credit: Reaction GIFs

I know. That was my reaction, too.

Now. I ask you. What the fuck is that? I do believe that is a commercial that: a.) criticizes men who play with their daughters; b.) criticizes men who play tea party or dress up with “girl” clothes; c.) assumes women only like men who sit around watching football and being generally and stereotypically “manly”;and d.) criticizes women who aren’t grossed out by those… um… wildly helpful and fatherly behaviors?

NOOOOOOOOPE. Nope, nope, nope, Papa Murphy’s. No. NO.

Enough with the old-timey patriarchal bullshit, already.

There are so many things wrong with this commercial that it’s hard to begin. But I will try. First, let’s hack away at the gender stereotyping, shall we? From this quality piece of advertising we learn that: 1. “Girl” things are only for girls. 2. “Girl” things will “debold” a fella if he chooses to, you know, interact with his children while they play with said items. 3. Interacting with children is probably not for dudes anyway. 4. Women should only be attracted to men who do not enjoy “girl” things or interacting with girl children while playing “girl” things. 5. A father who plays with “girl” things with his children needs to be fixed.

Holy shit, ya’ll. That commercial packs a punch. That’s a LOT of OTPBS in one tiny 30 second spot. And yet… it’s all there. Men should be watching football exhuberantly (but not TOO exhuberantly! That’s TOO bold!) and not playing with their kids and if, *GASP* they do choose to play with their kids, which is not recommended, they better not play “girl” stuff or… well… immediate loss of attractiveness.

So, to be clear, the message is: Masculine = good; Feminine = bad.

Awesome.

And then there’s the top shelf parenting advice. “Don’t play with your kids! That’s wussy! What if they think that, like, boys can like tea too? OR THAT BOYS CAN LIKE PINK?!? OR that anyone can wear a boa?!? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR COUNTRY?” Not a fucking thing, thank you. It will carry on being the same ‘Murica it continues to be in all its hideous glory.

And finally, we have the How To Be A Dude portion of the commercial. So, as I understood the message in this ad, dads are allowed to like football and pizza, but not play with their kids. Not if they want to get laid, anyway. Which, uh. That is… well… that’s fucking terrible advice, Papa Murphy’s. Terrible. If EVER there was a reason for a dad to get laid, it would be playing with the kids and helping around the house. That shit is SEXY. So… wrong again.

Bang up job, there, Papa Murphy’s. You have now given a whole bunch of terrible advice and alienated half of the population by equating feminine with bad. And you’ve made the other half feel shitty for interacting with their kids. I mean… that seems like a solid way to sell pizza, does it not? No issues there whatsoever. Couldn’t possibly be wildly offensive, hm? WRONG. All the wrong. All of it.

I, for one, will no longer be buying pizza from Papa Murphy’s. If that’s the kind of “bold” they’re selling, I’m full up, thanks. I prefer my pizza free of bullshit, but especially of the old-timey patriarchal variety. Gross.