If you're reading this blog, it's highly likely that you've seen one of these before. You've likely even wrestled a 30 pound toddler with a diaper full of DNA onto one of these in order to engage in some Olympic-level grappling before finally getting most of the toddler clean and most of the changing table dirty.* No biggie. Super normal. We've all seen them before.
Or have we? Look closer. CLOSER.
Take the last train to Shartsville, and I'll meet you at the station...
This, friends, is why I took a picture of a changing table on my phone while laughing raucously in a tea house bathroom. It's marvelous graffiti, no? And so true! So very true! What else is this but a Turd Station2? The original namers of this product, the Sturdy Station2, certainly had the vision, but the graffiti artist corrected the astigmatism. The vision, so renamed, is now better than perfect and is pure in its absolute authenticity.
Finding this gem obviously and unsurprisingly put me in mind of Keats's "Ode on a Grecian Urn" and the poem's famous final lines:
"When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'"
Beauty is truth, truth beauty. And if the renaming of this toilet-bound shit table be truthful, why, then, it must also be beautiful. So, I salute you, beautiful, truthful, Turd Station2! Though I no longer require your services since my younger daughter now uses the potty like a grownup, or at least like her mother, you shall remain a friend to man, to whom you say'st, "I am truth, and truth beauty." You are all I know on earth, Turd Station2, and all I need to know.
*Before shamefacedly leading your child out of the restroom without making even the most cursory gesture of a swipe at the changing table with a wet paper towel to pretend that public health and hygiene is a value in your life. Don't lie. I know our readers.