As It Turns Out, Singing “My Favorite Things” Doesn't Help At All When I Feel So Bad

WELL, HI THERE.

Since March, I've been on a... mental health break? Too-much-work-and-not-enough-time break? A holy-shit-I-can't-do-it break? I don't know what to call it. I haven't been here. I haven't had the time or brain power to write words while I've been working my ass off (doing the writing work that pays me money so I can feed the children). Oh, and I've been quietly losing my shit and trying to get it back to together.

It's how I do.

Anyhoo. One day in the depths of my quiet internal screaming, I found myself singing "My Favorite Things" from Sound of Music over and over again in my head. Not intentionally, mind you. It just wouldn't stop.

And then I had a whole conversation with myself about it. AND NOW YOU GET TO READ IT. You're welcome. Or I'm sorry. It's definitely one or the other. Reading this might explain why my Smartner has nicknamed me "Candles and Cobwebs" though. Anyway. Here you go! Welcome to my brain!

As It Turns Out, Singing “My Favorite Things” Doesn't Help At All When I Feel So Bad

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

I don't really like kittens. I mean, I know that's going to earn me a lot of ire, but they're just so scratchy & jumpy. Their whiskers are neither here nor there.

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens

I'm not sure what's so exciting about a kettle. It's just something else I have to clean. And wool gives me a rash.

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

This just makes me worry about anthrax and package bombs. Maybe I should stop watching all those espionage shows?

These are a few of my favorite things

Not mine. I don't want any of those. Am I supposed to be feeling better?

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels

I can’t afford a pony and who’s going to bake me a crisp apple streudel? Now I’m just hungry and pissed I don’t have a goddamned pony.

Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

Listen. The last thing I need is more bloody noise ringing in my ears all the damn time. And I’ve never had schnitzel, so that’s definitely not making me feel better. This song sucks.

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

Okay. That’s kind of a pretty image. But geese are super loud and I don’t need that kind of honking keeping me up at night.

These are a few of my favorite things

No but really, they’re not. Am I supposed to replace the lyrics with my own favorite things? I don’t think I have that many favorite things. This is giving me anxiety.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

That’s a little pristine for me. I like pretty clothes and pretty people as much as the next person, but I’m kind of partial to black and leather. Also, I always stain white clothes.

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

But they never stay. They always melt. Have I been experiencing the wrong kind of snow all my life? Shit. Where do the snowflakes not melt on your nose and eyelashes?

Silver white winters that melt into springs

This just makes me think about flooding and snow mold. Ugh. This isn’t helping.

These are a few of my favorite things

Still not. And I can’t think of that many things that I like that rhyme! Maybe I’m just a hateful person.

When the dog bites

This I understand.

When the bee stings

Been there.

When I'm feeling sad

So, like, all the time?

I simply remember my favorite things

I ALREADY SAID I CAN’T THINK OF THAT MANY THINGS THAT ARE MY FAVORITE.

And then I don't feel so bad

I do. I do feel bad. This didn’t help at all. I’m putting Disintegration back on again.

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